Reality Bites (7w;6d)

I found out today a girl who was due around the same time as me, and who had also experienced similar bleeding to me miscarried a week ago, but she didn't realise.

As soon as I found out, I felt sick to my stomach. You can't help in situations like that but to compare their situation to yours. I instantly felt compelled to pick up the phone and book in for another u/s before my 10 week scan, just to make sure everything was ok. With my round of red bleeding again (this girl had none) I just didn't feel confident. Then again, I thought even if things are ok - it still won't stop me worrying the second I leave from the scan, so would it really make a difference?

I'm so confused by all of this - I wish someone would just tell me what to do. DH asked the other day if I could magically be transported 7 months into the future and 'miss' the pregnancy stage, would I do it. I told him I would in a heartbeat, and had no hesitation on 'missing' what it was like being pregnant. I wouldn't wish this uncertainty and emotional pain on anyone - so why would I want to continue to go through this for another 7 months if I didn't have to?

Anyway, I digress.

I'm still unsure of whether or not to have another scan. On the one hand, I don't want to expose myself to unnecessary u/s that may be harmful to the baby, especially at this early stage. On the other hand, if there is something wrong, do I really want to sit here for the next two weeks thinking I'm pregnant when in reality, I would have already lost the baby? God, I can't even think about it it makes me want to vomit, I can't bring myself to accept that. And by not having the scan, then I just don't know - so then I can continue to wish and pray and hope that everything will be ok. Denial? Maybe. Trying to delay potential pain? Probably. But one way or the other, it isn't going to change anything, so I guess we'll wait and see...