PS...

Just got off the phone from hubby. Called to let him know his results and that I had send them through to him. I had to tell him that now three of his results were below normal.

"Stop getting so upset" he said.

"Why?" I answered - "why should I pretend to be ok about this all when I'm obviously not? Aren't I allowed to be upset?!"

"Because every time you get upset it makes me feel more f*cked up!".

GOD I hate this. I wanted to scream down the phone that this is how I feel every single day. I wanted to make him understand and realise how emotionally, physically and mentally draning it is for me every single day to do what I do and how much time every single day I spend trying to make our chances better. So yeah - I AM upset when his results are still bad - not because I don't love him (just as I am sure it doesn't affect his feelings towards me with my fucked up body!) but that I am so frustrated with our situation. It still doesn't change that awful niggly feeling inside that makes me want to 'fix' everything and make all of our problems magically disappear.