Diet fads, gimmicks and empires (C3;CD15)

After spending the weekend quite upset with myself, I decided that I wanted to try and do everything and anything to get my body back working the way it should.

The main one being, of course, my weight. Now, I know that me being overweight probably has a lot to do with my PCOS and my high insulin levels. However, since being on the metformin, I honestly believe that this last month has done my body a lot of good. Albeit, taking just that medication three times a day for the rest of my life is going to be a huge pain in the proverbial, but at least it will make me feel a lot better.

So, after deciding I need to put up or shut up - I signed up for a new program. I've read up on it quite a bit and my main concern right now is to try and lose the weight to see if it will assist in me ovulating. I don't really want to increase my medication again to get me to do this - after all, I'm already at 100mg per day of clomid, and my Dr only wants to take me to 150mg before he dismisses that and moves to the injections, or the ovarian drilling. Either way, if I can avoid that, I'll be happy. Plus, now that my medication is over 10 tablets a day now, my gag reflex seems to be kicking into action even before I swallow the first tablet!

With that said, I guess I'll play it by ear and give it a shot. Anything is worth it right now.

Oh, and - as an aside, hubby and I were watching tv on the weekend, and a car ad came on where the wife asks her husband what his ultimate fantasy is. He replies that it's this particular car (wow, must be good advertising... can't even remember the car!). So with that I turned to hubby and asked him what his ultimate fantasy was. Know what he said??

"A baby"...

I couldn't stop crying. I forget too easily sometimes that although I'm more vocal about my feelings and what is happening with me, it doesn't mean it's not affecting him in the same way. I forget too often. Sure, I am having my own problems with fertility, but so is he. I know he's really anxious about Wednesday. I can feel it. And so am I. I am hoping with all hope that his results come back at least improved from last time... I can't bear to think that IVF is our only option and seeing those words "VERY POOR" written all over my forms again. And I want it for his sake as well. I want it for him so that he doesn't feel like he's failed me. God knows I feel that way about it for him, that I have failed him. Geez, we're both as bad as each other!! But I guess that's where the support comes into it. This isn't about blame (as much as we want to blame ourselves). It's about moving forward and positive thinking.

I can, I will, I must.