Off the Clomid...(C1;CD10)

The day after clomid... wow, this is what 'the other side' feels like.

Feeling a bit weird at the moment. After the whole Maybe Baby partial ferning fiasco, I got my hopes up quite a bit, thinking that my body was actually kick starting back into action again.

Since then, I've been testing in the morning (which is when it says you're supposed to) and have just been getting pebbles. I've also been testing with Ovulation Predictor Kits (OPKs) and have also been getting negatives. I know it's still early days (I'm only on CD10 and 'normally' ovulation isn't for a few more days, but I can't help feeling like I know this cycle isn't going to work. I just can't shake the feeling.

I know hubby would just say that's 'typical' me - expect the worst (so I won't be disappointed) and hope for the best. But even still, I just can't help it! I want so badly for all of this to work out, and it suddenly hit me the other day the realisation that there is a possibility that we may not be able to have children. I felt like I could barely breath. Sure, we'd talked about it, I'm doing everything I can but I don't think I ever fully accepted that as a possibility. I always just thought it may take a long time, but we'd get there. And the other day, that thought vanished and was replaced by the thought that that may never happen.

Of course, only time will tell - and hey, this is my first cycle on clomiphene and where we can monitor my damn body and I haven't even reached the stage where I 'should' be ovulating so I suppose I shouldn't be worrying, but I can't shake this horrible feeling it's not working for me.

Will keep posting after appointment on Wednesday for my scan.

Until next time...